Sunday, May 23, 2004
Nostalgia and All that Shit
this afternoon, i dreamt that i was at my ex-girlfriend's house. (it looked so much better than it was three years ago) i roamed around it like a stalker hunting for its prey. i was trying to look for my ex. she wasn't around. i continued to scan the whole place, hoping that she was in some corner, probably reading, eating, or sleeping... or maybe she’s with her husband. i didn't care. i just wanted to see her.
as i went thru every room, opened/tried/played with every appliance, memories came in like wildfire. i expressed a sense of relief as i got close to her room. but for some weird reason, i chose not to enter it.
after a while, i found her youngest brother—her brother whom i used to play with right there where i saw him. i knelt before him, held his shoulders, looked at his face straight; and asked him, "kilala mo pa ba ako?" it had been three years, i doubted it if he would still remember me. his eyes said nothing, his face was blank. after that, i couldn't do anything else but embrace the boy—my brother. i was hopeless.
i sighed and said to myself, this place used to be my second home. i used to be a member of the family who lives here. this boy beside me used to be my brother, and my ex’s other siblings were my mine as well. i used to love bringing her home from school, even if her place was in laguna and mine was somewhere close to bulacan. i used to love her madly.
i would have spent more time with "my" brother if not for my sister. she woke me up. i fell asleep in her room.
in a bad mood, i opened my computer and checked my email. i came across a friend's letter that said:
"…and amidst all these, it doesn’t really matter whether those dreams were
made to happen in ordinary places or in special ones, because every place
and every moment with you is magical and un-repeatable."
then, i realized... my moments with my ex, looking three years back, in the most special and ordinary places, were once magical and are now un-repeatable.
In my room
(01/02)